Real Pain
by RobertDowneyJrLove
Summary: Pain brought reality and reality brought Pepper.


Alcohol addiction. A constantly fought battle in the life of Tony Stark. The sneaky little demon that took advantage of his vulnerability and whispered to him, to just have one drink-just to feel better. He did feel better after one drink. Ultimately though, one drink led to another and another until he was so drunk he could barely see straight much less walk on his own two feet. He could recall times when Happy would have to drag him out of a bar and carry him to the awaiting limo. It was times like that, that made Tony realize just how poorly he was fighting his battle. Normally if you asked him, he'd tell you that he did it because it was there and because he was legally old enough to do so but other times he could offer no explanation other than a high pitched squeal and something which sounded like an obscenity that would put any sober man to shame.

The real reason he drank himself into oblivion was something that only Pepper Potts knew. Pepper. She was sweet, kind, caring, smart and gorgeous. Cayenne pepper hair, sweetly innocent looking baby blue eyes and legs that would kill any normal man. He, however, was Tony Stark and had seen far more leg than any normal man-although he did still get slightly breathless when she walked into the office wearing one of those business suits and high heels that look impossible to walk in, baring just enough leg to tease him. She was always patient with him, even when he was being a careless, self-centered, jerk. She knew him, knew how he was, knew how he acted in certain situations and usually knew how to settle him down. She was just Pepper. Simply Pepper.

She wasn't just his personal assistant anymore. She was so much more than that, she was his best friend. She was the only one he could truly rely on, the only person in his life. He couldn't rely on Rhodey like he could Pepper. She didn't just work for him anymore, she worked with him. She had played a part in untangling the web of lies so meticulously weaved by Obadiah Stane. She had done what no one else would have. She had gone in and gotten him the information he needed. She was the only person willing to do it and even that had taken some convincing. Eventually she had given in and went to hack his computer. She had helped him take down Obadiah Stane but even Pepper couldn't help him take down his inner demons.

Rhodey wasn't privilege to half the information Pepper was. Pepper knew why he drank so much and she also knew that if he wanted to he could stop, but he never did. It was the pain. The pain of losing his parents, the pain of having to run a billion-dollar company that was his father's. His father, who according to Tony, was only happiest when he could send his son off to boarding school. Some days the pain was too much for Tony and that old demon would call him back and he would once again turn a bottle of scotch to numb it. It was also the pain caused by Obadiah's betrayal. The web of lies and deception that Obadiah had spent years weaving that sent Tony reeling and fighting to regain control of a company that had been taken over almost by Obadiah.

Pepper knew that if it were any other person, they would probably handle it better. Go to therapy or work through their emotional issues some other way, but Tony hated doctors and his emotional issues were more like emotional scars left behind by people he trusted. Emotional scars that still throbbed with a raw, uncomfortable pain that refused to go away. Tony had only found one way to relieve that pain and that was scotch. His inner demons taunted him, reminded of what would happen every time he brought the bottle up to his lips and let the amber liquid burn its fiery trail down his throat. The memories, the nightmares, all of it, goes away for the few hours or few days that he's wasted. For the few days that the alcohol is burning its way through his system, he's able to forget. Forget. That was his new favorite word. He wanted to forget all of it. He wanted to rip the arc reactor out of his chest and pretend as if Afghanistan never happened, as if Yinsen had never existed, as if Iron Man didn't exist. He wanted to forget that Iron Man had been his only means of escape and that he had watched them destroy people with the weapons that his company manufactured.

The web of betrayal that Obadiah Stane had weaved had been lost on Tony, who hadn't suspected a thing, until his return from Afghanistan and found out that it was Obadiah wanting to lock him out of the company. It was then, after little hacking on Pepper's part, that he discovered the tangled web of lies, destruction, terror and murder that someone whom he had trusted had weaved behind his back and for nothing but what little power he could gain. The lustful hunger for more power was not lost on Tony, who knew that hunger better than anybody. It was a lust you never got rid of and Obadiah never did. Only after Tony had untangled his web of lies did Obadiah admit to that hunger. The hunger that never went away no matter how hard you tried. That was one war Obadiah Stane hadn't won and one Tony Stark wasn't likely to forget.

His battle with alcohol had started about five years before he had hired Pepper. He had been eighteen at the time, still reeling from the death of his parents and three years away from becoming CEO of Stark Industries. There had been more alcohol in the house than in most liquor stores and Tony hadn't known what else to do but drink. He just drank until he could forget everything like usual. Alcohol became a way to forget which was a defense mechanism that he used more than he should have. When he wanted to keep himself in denial of his feelings, he drank until he couldn't feel anything, until physical and emotional feelings were no longer possible. When that didn't work, he built walls that no one could break-until he met Pepper. Virginia "Pepper" Potts had been twenty-one, fresh out of college and looking for a job.

She had walked into his office, dressed to impress but when she left she hadn't realized that she had done more than just impress. Tony had been impressed and instead of just hiring her as the new director of the accounting department or whatever job she had been applying for at the time, he had asked her if she would consider being his personal assistant, with a doubled salary and more benefits than the usual employees got. She had softened Tony Stark and everyone saw it. She had brought out that side of Tony that no one had seen since the death of his parents. She had brought out the warm, caring side of Anthony Edward Stark and she had taken his heart with her when she walked out of the office that day.

Hiring her as his personal assistant hadn't come without a few challenges. He was playboy billionaire, who most considered irresponsible and the only genius without a clue as to how to run his life. He was a lost cause, but she hadn't blinked when he asked her to do what most people wouldn't have done for quadruple her salary. Instead she just did what was asked of her and that was it. Over the course of eleven years, she had become something more than just a personal assistant. She had become his confidante, the only one he looked forward to seeing, his best friend. She had become the woman he had seen in her when they met-professional, loyal and independent but much deeper than that was her friendship. He cherished every single year he had Pepper in his life although he couldn't remember any of the important dates in her life, he still cherished her. Yet all that went away when he brought the bottle of scotch up to his lips and let it burn it's way down his throat. He felt nothing during that time when the pain of the alcohol set in.

Deep, burning pain.

The burning pain that traveled down his throat, all the way down to his stomach felt good compared to the three months of hell spent in Afghanistan. The amber liquid burned a fiery path down his throat as he took another long drink out of the glass bottle in his hand. The black and white label mocked him, taunted him for not being able to fight his demons harder. The alcohol made it all go away, made everything go away. He forgot about the miniature arc reactor currently keeping him alive, he forgot about the horrible memories of Yinsen, of the cave, of the explosions, of the fires, of everything. He forgot about Obadiah Stane's dark betrayal. The nightmares went away temporarily.

He was a man who had everything, yet at the same time he had absolutely nothing. Nothing but the hellish memories of the three months spent trapped in a cave in Afghanistan. Nothing but the nightmares that haunt him every night when he's trying to get some sleep. The nightmares that come and go, some of Obadiah's betrayal, some of Yinsen's death and the more disturbing nightmares involving his own death. He had nothing but the memories that the alcohol burned away temporarily every time he had a drink. He had nothing but the nightmares that couldn't seep into his subconscious if he was passed out drunk rather than just sleeping. He had nothing but the demons that fought within, that kept him coming back to the amber liquid he had fought to get away from.

Now though, he wants nothing more than to feel that deep lingering pain that had settled in his heart. The familiar throb of knowing what happened in his past. The pain of losing his parents, of learning of Obadiah's betrayal. He wants nothing more than to feel that pain. That pain was the only reality he knew. The numbness that the alcohol brought felt good while it was there, but it wasn't reality. Reality was dealing with the pain, was dealing with the betrayal he still felt a year later. It was dealing with everything, not drinking himself into oblivion.

Sometimes Anthony Stark needed to feel pain, because it was a constant reminder of reality. A reality, painful though it may be sometimes, that brought him the only thing that made his life worth living, a reality that brought him the only woman besides his mother he had ever loved so deeply that alcohol didn't seem worth it anymore. Sometimes he'd rather feel the pain than the numbness that alcohol brought simply because pain brought reality and with reality came his love, Pepper.

* * *

**Hello my loves, **

**This story, part of it I wrote but some pieces were copied and pasted from another story similar to this one that I wrote a long time ago. Some of it worked for this story but other parts are still with the original story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy :) **

**Pain by Three Days Grace makes this story easier to understand :) **

**I OWN NOTHING! **

**Love ya, **

**RobertDowneyJrLove  
**


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